15 Weeks To Go.

Right after my last entry I got "lay down and wish to die" kind of sick. I was feeling better but not 100% when I decided to head out the door two Monday's ago. I didn't feel like I was doing well at all. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I had zero energy but I just kept moving hoping that the cold air and my hot body (we all know how hot I am when I run) would kill the sick germs and I would get better faster.

I was supposed to run 3 miles, my first week of the "official" marathon training. I think that's what really drove me. I knew there would be no catching up and I would be irrevocably behind if I didn't just do it. I ran about a mile, walked about a mile and ran the last mile home. Not exactly what I was hoping for at this point but at least I went out and tried.

Wednesday came along and I was supposed to run 4 miles. I had to stop & walk for about 15 minutes in the middle somewhere. Breathing and energy seem to be things that are nice to have while running. I need that.

Thursday I only walked for 5 minutes in the middle. Improvement!

Saturday was my long run of 5 miles and I did it! Without walking! Yay! I'm back! I feel like it was a successful week after all!

This week has been much easier. I feel like I have my "running groove" back. I'm supposed to run 6 miles this Saturday and I feel confident about it. I'm right on schedule for the marathon on May 15th. I'm taking vitamins galore in hopes of not getting sick again. I don't want anything to mess it up now.

I've heard people say... "I hate running, I could never do that." or something similar. The truth is that I guess I could say the same thing. I wake up in the morning and that LAST thing I want to do is lace up my shoes and go out in the freezing cold and run. I do it anyway. I start running and I think things like "I'm so slow, I'll never be good at this. I'm so miserable. I HATE RUNNING! Why am I doing this? I just don't have it today, maybe I should just go back to bed." I try to change those thoughts to positive ones like "I don't have to be fast, I just need to finish. I don't need to be better than anyone, I just need to be better than I was a year ago." The truth is though... that I DON'T actually LOVE running. It's time away, it's healthy for me, but it's like eating broccoli with no butter or salt instead of the green bean casserole. I haven't had that awe inspiring time where I get in a "zone" and feel like I could run forever. Maybe I need to be running more miles before that happens. Not sure.

So WHY do I keep doing it? Because when I'm done and I just ran 5 miles I walk into my house with the proud feeling that I did it. I just RAN 5 miles! That's awesome! I get all those great happy endorphin thingies going and I feel like I'm on top of the world! I feel like I took care of myself. I feel strong. I feel like I accomplished something pretty great for the day. I feel like I can handle anything else that comes my way. It makes me happy. Not while I'm actually running but AFTER. While I'm cooling down I feel peace. In this house that might be the only time I feel peace until we pray on the food later. The feelings I have after is why I keep doing it everyday. It's like the rich sweet gooey dessert that I get because I ate my broccoli. That's why I plan to keep doing it forever, or at least for as long as my body will let me. Great feelings and I'm healthier for doing it. Why wouldn't I do it?