9 Weeks Until Marathon: The Wrench

A couple weeks have passed since my last post. I've put off writing for various reasons. 2 days after my last post my 2 year old daughter spent a few days in Primary Children's Medical Center. For a full account please see my other blog. (scroll over space below to see link) http://juliespilledthebeans.blogspot.com/2010/02/annelieses-trip-to-primary-childrens.html

Well needless to say my husband & I were at the hospital really late at night. He would stay over with Anneliese & I would go home, sleep, juggle our other 3 children around & make arrangements for us to be gone the next day. I didn't run, I was an emotional wreck, I was tired and I was overwhelmed.

We came home on Friday and we were trying to figure out our new normal. Saturday I decided to run. I was supposed to run 10 miles if I wanted to stay on my schedule. I thought it might help clear my head or maybe give me some sort of balance back into my life. I was stressed but I didn't want to give up my goal.

I ran. I ran hard. I ran up hills that I didn't even realize I had gone up until I was done. My mind was in a daze. My body was running like it never had before. It was around mile 4 when I stopped running, I fell to my knees on the curb and cried. I just couldn't do it. I had nothing left to give, not even to myself. I felt like I had ran emotional marathons everyday since we took her to the Dr. I felt like someone had lifted me up, thrown me off a cliff and I was grabbing at roots and rocks to try to keep alive only the rocks keep falling and the roots keep breaking off. There, alone, in the street, everything came swelling up and my body became immovable. I called Zach to come & get me. I was done.

A week passed and I had no desire to run. Besides... my early mornings were packed with more Dr appointments and I had no time.

Sunday came and I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to socialize or talk to people, I was mad and didn't feel like acting for people. I wasn't mad at anything or anyone in particular, I wasn't mad at God or my Husband, I guess I was just mad at the situation we were in, I was mad that I wasn't taking care of myself, I was mad that I was letting my goal go and didn't care to do anything about it. I was mad that I had somewhere else to go that day. I was mad that I had been self medicating with chocolate and Pepsi for 2 weeks. Maybe I was mad that I was feeling everything I was feeling, after-all, it's not like she had some terminal disease, she wasn't going to DIE from this! She was going to be fine, I should feel grateful! Am I mad because I'm ungrateful? I have no idea WHY I was mad, I was just upset... depressed. Zach suggested that I take a break for the day and go run. I didn't really want to go. It took me 45 minutes to put on running shoes. I got on You-Tube to try & find something that might spark some positive emotion about running. I found it. A girl who had just ran her first marathon and how she felt throughout and after the process.

I went out the door with a new determination. 10 miles. I feel like I have no control over my life and what happens but I have control over this and I NEED to do this. I ran 3 miles and started to feel physically drained. I couldn't run anymore. I started to walk. The idea was that I would start running again after I gave myself a break. I tried a couple of feeble attempts but didn't get far before I started walking again. That's OK, I'll just walk the 10 miles.

Around mile 7 my foot & ankle started hurting again. By mile 9 I could barely step on my right foot. The pain was excruciating. I thought the Plantar Fasciitis was gone! I had one mile left and I thought about calling Zach to come & get me because of the pain but I NEEDED to finish. Somehow this extreme pain was almost... relieving. It made me feel... something... something other than emotional pain. I just kept repeating in my head... I CAN do this, I WILL do this, I AM doing this. I finally made it home, iced my feet and took a shower that seemed to wash away more than dirt & sweat.

I'm feeling a little better everyday. I have the 10 mile race this Saturday. (The hardest one yet.) I know I won't be able to run it. I'm determined to walk it, I don't care if I'm the last one to cross the line, I just want to do it. The Podiatrist wrapped up my feet again and is sending me to physical therapy so I can heal in time to run the marathon. The hope is that there will be no more pain in 3 weeks. I'm stuck back on the elliptical in the meantime which I'm not excited about but at least I'm still moving forward.

I had this little wrench thrown in that stopped everything from working perfectly and I'm still just trying to figure out how to make everything work... it will be different, I know, but we will get it worked out again.

12 Weeks until the Marathon. 10K Training Race

Tuesday I finally decided to go to the Podiatrist again for my sprained ankle and plantar fasciitis. Inserts were adjusted, the bottom of my right foot and my left ankle got taped up. I was told that I shouldn't run for 2-3 weeks. I told him that I have a 10K race on Saturday that was all uphill and that it was part of training for a marathon in May. He told me I could do the elliptical or biking to keep up my cardio until Saturday to keep the pressure off my feet & ankle. Saturday I was told to take it slow, easy & to ice like crazy when I got home. He also taught me proper running stance for hills. I was relieved when he said I could still run.

6.2 Miles. Lots of hills. I don't know if I was more mentally prepared for it because of the 5K or maybe I was more physically prepared for it because I had added a couple of hills into my training runs but for some reason it actually felt a little (if only by a squeak) easier than the last one. The hills were longer but not quite as steep. They leveled out at the tops so you could catch your breathe. There was one hill at the end where I honestly thought I might die. My heart was pounding loudly, the muscles in my legs felt like they might seize, I started to feel faint and I was WALKING up this extremely steep hill that went as far as my eyes could see. I imagined myself rock climbing it grabbing at roots and branches to try to heave my body up this monstrosity of a mountain. I lived to tell about it and actually didn't do too terrible on my time. I finished in 1:10:50. That's an 11:24 minute mile which is actually faster than the 5k!!! YAY!! But um... maybe that means I didn't take it slow & easy like the Doc said. Whoops!

That was on Saturday. According to my training schedule I was supposed to run 8 miles on Saturday. The race was very taxing and the rest of my day was packed. I auditioned for a play, had lunch with my hubby & kids, had people over for dinner and when I woke up on Sunday morning my quads & behind hurt in a bad way. Whoa! I took Sunday off and "self medicated" with chocolate & Pepsi to make me "feel better". (Which it didn't, it just made me feel worse for being stupid.)

Today I woke up early & I was supposed to run 3 miles today. Well, I'm behind and technically I'm supposed to run 10 miles this Saturday so I didn't feel like I could skip the 8 mile run I was supposed to do. So I decided to do it today and skip the 3 mile day. I did it! I ran 8 miles!! Every time I run farther than the last I get amazed. "I just did that? I just RAN 8 miles?" Oh yes I did, and I'm very excited about it too! I went to my "VooDoo Doctor" today and he broke up some of the scar tissue in my feet & legs, I had some accu-puncture & adjusting and I'm feeling better. My ankle still feels a little weak but I think it's getting stronger. My foot still hurts but not nearly as bad as it did. Hopefully the next time I write, all of those things will be healed and in the past.

The next training race is in 3 weeks and it's a 10 miler. I hear that it starts out with the hills of the 10k and then moves into the steep unforgiving hills of the 5k. Everyone agrees that it's the hardest race of them all. The good news though is that if I can get past this next race... the marathon will seem like cake. At least that's what everyone says. : / I'll train hard over the next few weeks and I'm keeping the few hills that we have around here in my path to try to be ready. BTW Did you hear I just ran 8 miles today!?! hehehe

13 Weeks to go. It's Raining it's Pouring

I'm falling apart. I feel like nothing is working right. I sprained my ankle and I have "plantar fasciitis". I don't like whining so I don't think I ever wrote about it, but if I'm repeating myself, please excuse me.

The plantar fasciitis thing I've had for a few months now. The bottom of my right heel is very painful and feels like it's bruised. It took me a couple months to finally be convinced that it was not going away on its own and to make a podiatrist appointment. He gave me some inserts for my shoes that are supposed to help and also gave me some "anti-inflammatory" medication. I was hoping that it would go away without the medication and just with the inserts but after about a week with no change I tried the pills.

I hate taking any kind of medication and for good reason. It seems my body is super-duper sensitive. If there's a rare side effect... say... "stroke like symptoms" I'm the one that ends up in the emergency room with a stutter, can't talk, and my brain not working. Or let's say that doctors have never even heard of someone getting an "antibiotic caused stomach infection" (pseudomembranous colitis) from amoxicillin but yet there I am, 6 months pregnant and lucky I went into the ER when I did or it could have been too late. It happens often enough that I've become very... cautious, maybe even a little paranoid to pop any kind of pill no matter how innocent the medication might be.

Well, I took half the dose of the anti-inflammatory medication and it did make my foot feel better but even with half the dose I was out! I was like a walking zombie with no energy or life. After a few days of taking it and my foot finally felt better, I stopped. Everything was OK. My foot hurt a bit but at least I could be normal.

The ankle sprain... A couple of weeks ago I was running and saw some grape sized rocks up ahead. I was trying to aim my step so that I wouldn't land on one. I kicked one with my right foot and just before my left foot came down the rock landed under my foot. My left ankle rolled and hurt pretty smart. I stretched it for a minute, thought "Oh crap I just sprained my ankle." and kept running. As soon as I got home I massaged it a bit, iced it, wrapped it and repeated several times through the day. The next day I took the wrap off but kept icing it. It felt weak but I felt OK running on it, so I did.

After the training race last week with all the hills, I've been in pain. At first I just thought it would all go away and I just needed rest. All the muscle pain did go away. My ankle and my heel still kill. I'm scared to go to the podiatrist again because I'm afraid he'll tell me to stop running. I went to my "naturalist" Doctor or as Zach likes to call him..."My Voodoo Doctor". The Eastern Medicine techniques usually work where the Western Docs don't fill in but I didn't find any relief. I have another appointment with him on Tuesday, I'm thinking about another appointment with the podiatrist but I think I'll wait longer and see if it doesn't magically go away. Sucky.

So here I am. Feeling broken and scared. K- Enough of that.

I rested most of this week to try and help my ankle and foot (which didn't help) and today I was supposed to run 7 miles. As if 7 miles wasn't daunting enough I'm determined to add more hills. I marked the map out which... I've decided... although it's needed... to know where to go... all it does is freak me out. Everything seems SO FAR! I've heard that for this same reason you're not supposed to ever drive the course of your marathon. Anyway I had 2 really steep hills today in my run and I'm proud to say I ran the whole thing. Not very quickly but I did. In the rain. With wet shoes, socks and hair. Ladies & Gentlemen... I ran 7 miles today with hills! The longest I've ever ran! I feel like I might die now but I did it.

Next week I have the 2nd training race. It's a 10K (6.2 miles) and I hear it's all uphill. Again. I'm scared.

14 Weeks Left & My First Training Race

Things went pretty much as scheduled last week except for Saturday, which is normally the day I do my long run, I had a 5K race. I signed up for a "Winter Training Circuit" through Strider's and it's supposed to get you ready for the Marathon in May. The races start at a 5K, then a 10K, 10 Miler, Half Marathon & a 30K. They say once you get through these races you can run the Marathon with no problem.

Friday I went to Strider's to pick up my racing packet. I gave her my name, she handed me a bag with a running shirt, beanie, my racing bib & chip. As I was about to walk away she said "It could rain in the morning so dress warm, oh, and it's up hill a lot."

Hills. I live where flat farms used to be and there are no hills around me. I have not been practicing with hills. This didn't scare me though. When I have ran a hill or two I didn't have a problem really. It's only a 5K. Only 3 miles. Cake.

Saturday came along and I had been up since 3:00am with my 2 year old daughter. I finally got dressed (warmly & waterproof), drank some V8 to get something in me and got in the car to drive 30 minutes to the Dee Events Center in Ogden. It was foggy, drizzling rain & freezing cold. I'm glad I was prepared. I locked my car doors, got my ear phones ready and followed a crowd of people that seemed to know where they were going. I think I walked all the way around the huge building before I finally came to where the race should begin.

There are so many people. I don't know anyone and feel pretty awkward just standing there alone. I realized that this is the first race I've been in alone. I usually do these with my Mom, Sister, Friend... someone. I know of people that signed up for this circuit but there are so many people here there's a next-to-nothing chance I would find them even if I was looking really hard. Plus everyone is wearing hats & sunglasses (except the handful of crazies wearing shorts & tank tops) so it would be hard to recognize anyone anyway.

My fingers are feeling numb. The crowd starts to line up at the starting line. I edge to the very back so I don't get trampled on when it starts. Ready, Set, GO! The crowd moves forward in one huge mass. We come to the first couple of hills and everything is fine. I'm keeping the same pace and I'm thinking that... yeah, it's hard but I'm feeling pretty good about it. I start to pass people that are slowing down on the hills. We turn into a neighborhood and the hill is steeper than the previous ones. I'm still keeping my pace. We turn a corner and the hill is no longer a hill it's like a step ladder. After the first ten steps I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. "OK, so maybe I'll have to walk it. Yeah, I can walk it & then start jogging again when I get to the top & it levels out."

The only problem with this thinking was that it never really leveled out. It was slightly less inclined but that's it. I jogged where I could & walked the rest. People started passing me. About halfway through they had drinks. I drank & tried to breathe as I walked slowly through the station. I finally saw mile marker 2 and was so grateful to think that we had to be going back downhill anytime now.

I don't know how it's possible but other than 2 downward slopes, we didn't go back down. I swear! I feel pretty confident saying it was pretty much uphill the whole way. Whatever.

I could finally see the finish line. There was only a slight hill going up to finish but it felt so steep. My legs were wobbly, my heart was still pounding and I thought about crying. I remember thinking that I had never been through something that physically hard before and that includes child birth people!! I had to walk around for a few minutes to bring my heart down to a somewhat normal type of beat. I had some orange slices & water. They posted the results right away. I finished in 36:43 minutes. That's an 11:48 minute mile. Considering I walked most of it that's not too terrible. I can honestly say that it kicked my butt though. I came straight home & took an epsom salt bath, iced the places I felt like needed it the most and then went out and had some fun with my daughter.

The next day was Sunday. Because of the race I didn't do my long run of 6 miles on Saturday. I came to the conclusion that I needed to add some hills into my training and the only place close to me is a freeway over pass. After the overpass it goes slightly uphill for a while so I thought this would be perfect. I mapped out 6 miles and started running.

When I got to the overpass my legs were already hurting & wobbly. I didn't realize how sore I was from yesterday until I started jogging. I walked up the overpass and ended up walking the rest of the 6 miles. I figure it doesn't do any good to make things hurt worse, I would just need more time to heal. I took today off.

I'm a little discouraged and for different reasons. First of all I walked a lot of the 3K. It makes me think... maybe I'm not cut out for this. 2nd... I didn't run the 6 miles and I was panicked about that at first and then I just figured... oh well... I would just go forward as scheduled and do the 7 miles this next Saturday. I should be feeling better by then. I'm also a little concerned about the remaining races. I found out from a friend that the 10K and the 10 Miler are just as bad. Crap! I guess the plan is that by the time we've ran these races the marathon will seem like a cake walk. That's what I'm hoping. I'm now pushing myself farther than I ever have before and farther than I think I really ever wanted to before. To be honest... I'm a little scared.

15 Weeks To Go.

Right after my last entry I got "lay down and wish to die" kind of sick. I was feeling better but not 100% when I decided to head out the door two Monday's ago. I didn't feel like I was doing well at all. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I had zero energy but I just kept moving hoping that the cold air and my hot body (we all know how hot I am when I run) would kill the sick germs and I would get better faster.

I was supposed to run 3 miles, my first week of the "official" marathon training. I think that's what really drove me. I knew there would be no catching up and I would be irrevocably behind if I didn't just do it. I ran about a mile, walked about a mile and ran the last mile home. Not exactly what I was hoping for at this point but at least I went out and tried.

Wednesday came along and I was supposed to run 4 miles. I had to stop & walk for about 15 minutes in the middle somewhere. Breathing and energy seem to be things that are nice to have while running. I need that.

Thursday I only walked for 5 minutes in the middle. Improvement!

Saturday was my long run of 5 miles and I did it! Without walking! Yay! I'm back! I feel like it was a successful week after all!

This week has been much easier. I feel like I have my "running groove" back. I'm supposed to run 6 miles this Saturday and I feel confident about it. I'm right on schedule for the marathon on May 15th. I'm taking vitamins galore in hopes of not getting sick again. I don't want anything to mess it up now.

I've heard people say... "I hate running, I could never do that." or something similar. The truth is that I guess I could say the same thing. I wake up in the morning and that LAST thing I want to do is lace up my shoes and go out in the freezing cold and run. I do it anyway. I start running and I think things like "I'm so slow, I'll never be good at this. I'm so miserable. I HATE RUNNING! Why am I doing this? I just don't have it today, maybe I should just go back to bed." I try to change those thoughts to positive ones like "I don't have to be fast, I just need to finish. I don't need to be better than anyone, I just need to be better than I was a year ago." The truth is though... that I DON'T actually LOVE running. It's time away, it's healthy for me, but it's like eating broccoli with no butter or salt instead of the green bean casserole. I haven't had that awe inspiring time where I get in a "zone" and feel like I could run forever. Maybe I need to be running more miles before that happens. Not sure.

So WHY do I keep doing it? Because when I'm done and I just ran 5 miles I walk into my house with the proud feeling that I did it. I just RAN 5 miles! That's awesome! I get all those great happy endorphin thingies going and I feel like I'm on top of the world! I feel like I took care of myself. I feel strong. I feel like I accomplished something pretty great for the day. I feel like I can handle anything else that comes my way. It makes me happy. Not while I'm actually running but AFTER. While I'm cooling down I feel peace. In this house that might be the only time I feel peace until we pray on the food later. The feelings I have after is why I keep doing it everyday. It's like the rich sweet gooey dessert that I get because I ate my broccoli. That's why I plan to keep doing it forever, or at least for as long as my body will let me. Great feelings and I'm healthier for doing it. Why wouldn't I do it?

Starting Over Counting Down

I have not been running. Not at all.

After I got sick, couldn't run, I had bought new shoes, I had problems with my heel, my ankle, my hips & after trying several types of inserts for my new shoes I finally broke down on Monday & went to buy new ones. Running shoes are expensive! The first pair I bought were Saucony shoes. I liked them but figured probably all shoes were about the same & why pay more for Saucony when I can get some Adidas for cheaper & they felt fine to me in the store. I had so many problems that here I am, 4 weeks later, forking out another bundle of money for the high end Saucony shoes I should have just got in the first place.

The shoes would be a good excuse but that's not the reason I haven't ran. Mostly I've just been lazy. I admit it. It's been Christmas Holiday, I've been off of any type of normal schedule with my kids home. It's been really bad air quality outside which does make it harder to breathe but mostly I've just been lazy. The lazier I got the worse I felt. I missed all those happy endorphins & during the most stressful time of year when I probably needed the release the most... I did nothing. Well I shouldn't say nothing. I did eat. I ate a lot. I ate a lot of caramels, cheeseballs, stuffed mushrooms soaked in butter & any other imaginable delectable holiday food I could get my hands on. I ate so much crap I felt like crap. It's taken me a long time to finally feel "normal" again. You would think I would learn from past experiences but I just keep repeating the same cycle all over again.

With the New Year comes resolutions & my number one goal (despite snickers from my friends) is to run that marathon. I ran on Monday, well if you want to call it that. I ran 3/4 of a mile, walked 1/4, ran 1/4, walked 1 3/4, went home & felt like I might die. I can not run for 30 minutes straight. I am literally starting over.

I have 18 weeks left until the Ogden Marathon on May 15th. My training takes me 16 weeks. I need to be able to run 30 minutes in order to start (re-start) the training. I have given myself no time, I can not double up on any of the weeks. This is it. Do or die. I ran again today & it went a little better but I can not run for longer than 1 1/2 miles (15 minutes), I'm walking half of it right now.

I'm going to keep doing it. Tomorrow I run again. I'm not backing down, I will not give up. My body is too important to give up on. I'm turning up the volume on my iPod & pushing my body down the street. From now on it's just one foot in front of the other until I've reached 26.2 miles.

Day 153 of Training: "Turn the hearts of the children to their fathers."

Well... amazingly enough, when I went to Moab to run my first 10K with my friends, I did it!! The weather was freezing, my friends got sick from something they ate but all in all... it was fun!!

The race was actually harder than when I had ran the 6 miles before, I think because I hadn't ran in such a long time. It seemed like it lasted forever! I got to mile 3 and thought. "Wow! Only 3!?!" Around mile 4 I caught up to my friend & asked her if she knew how far we had gone. She excitedly said "We're almost to mile 4!" as if this was SO easy & where had the time gone! I was thinking... "Almost 4!! We're not even to FOUR yet!! I'm gonna freakin' die!!" Every corner we turned I thought... "This has to be the end. Where's the finish line?" It was hard to keep all the negative thoughts away. I don't know how many times I thought "Why am I doing this? I can't breathe right and I hate running! This sucks!" then I would have to stop myself & tell myself that I'm just getting over a cold & that it was easy before... it's just because I had to take that break. Just one foot in front of the other until I was at the finish line." I made it! It took about half way through that day to finally realize... "Hey! I just ran my first 10K and that rocks!!"

I think the 10k was the perfect boost after being sick & down for a couple of weeks. I've been going right back on track. I was supposed to run 7 miles this last Saturday and Zach was swamped all day and I couldn't leave my 4 kids home alone to go run for over an hour. We went to a show that night and when I finally got back at 11:30pm I decided it was now or never! It was a warm 37 degrees outside so I got dressed and started to run! I got to mile 4 and started to slip all over the roads that had turned to ice. I had to call Zach to come & get me. I'll try 7 miles again this weekend.

I've been asked a lot recently why I decided to start running. I think it's kind of a hard answer. I usually say that my friends all did it, so it got me interested. There's other reasons that until now I haven't talked about.

I wanted to lose weight. Not really for vain reasons, I was fine with my body the way it was although it would have been alright with me if I looked slimmer... hotter. I didn't care enough though to really do anything about it. I'd had 4 kids & my hubby still thought I was hot. That's all I really cared about. : ) What I really wanted to change were my family genes.

I'm usually pretty good at watching and learning from what other people do. A few years ago my Grandpa had a quadruple heart bypass. Not exactly fun. My Dad also found out he is border-line Diabetic. (Type 2 Diabetes) I went & had a physical thinking I was in excellent shape. I felt great, didn't think anything was wrong & they told me my "cholesterol was a little elevated for my age". What? "It was still good enough but I would need to watch it." OKAY!! So I LOVE to cook!! Not only do I love to cook but things just taste better with butter & cream!

The first thing I changed was my diet. I guess you could say that over time my whole outlook on food has totally changed. I still have my indulgence food every once in a while as a treat but it's not my everyday eating any more.

Then I started exercising everyday. After a while with my diet & exercise I hit a plateau & didn't lose anymore inches or weight. That's when my running friends cued in... "The fat just melts right off!", "It's exhilarating!", "It totally tones your whole body!".

Now that I've been doing this I feel so much better than I ever have before. It's funny to think that I was just fine with me before. I'm not talking about how I looked but how I felt! I didn't realize how much better I could feel. I thought everything was great! I had no idea!

My Mom has been walking a ton while I've been running. I'm so proud of her. She's trying to be healthier too. Her shoulder hurts constantly & she's in physical therapy for that, her foot hurts & she feels like she's falling apart. She's had to stop walking for now & it's driving her crazy. I can't help but hear my Mom, watch my Dad, see my Grandpa & think... "Well... that's how it will be if I change nothing. Now let's see how it turns out if I change everything." That's why I run.