Day 136 of Training: Sick and Tired.

I'm pretty sure that nobody really reads my blogs except my Mom & Sister. So I don't feel too bad about not writing last week but there was nothing really to write about. I mean it... NOTHING. That's why there was no post last week. On the 17th of November I woke up feeling like my head was going to fall off. It wasn't a running day but I had signed up to be with my trainer on that day so I called her at 5am and canceled.

Through this whole thing I'm so afraid that if I stop running, or miss a training day that I'll just stop altogether. Wednesday I didn't feel much better. My head was spinning and felt about 20lbs heavier than normal. My nose was running, my head hurt and my equilibrium was a little off but I decided to run. I figured I could walk the 4 miles if I needed to and I thought that the cold air and running might actually clear up my head. I ran 3/4 of a mile, sat on a curb and called Zach to come & get me. I couldn't breathe, my lungs were burning and I had zero energy. I was supposed to run 3 miles on Thursday. I didn't go. Saturday I had felt worse than ever and I spent a good portion of the day in bed.

Monday, November 23. My head still kills and I do feel better than I did on the weekend but I know I'm not going to be able to run. Tuesday, canceled with my Trainer. Wednesday I got dressed in my warm running clothes, laced up and went outside. The same thing happened. I got about 3/4 mile, turned around and walked home. At least I wasn't sitting on the curb, gasping for air and waiting for my husband to come pick me up this time.

Thanksgiving there was a race in Farmington I wanted to run. I made rolls and pies instead. Today is the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I still can't get all the gunk out of my head. I'm doing things and moving around more now but I'm sitting here writing this and feeling real loser like. I know I can't control if I get sick or not but I'm frustrated that I'm not making progress. I'm worried that I might actually be going backwards and I might have to back track a little. I'm worried because I signed up to run a 10K with some friends this next Saturday in Moab. The most I've ran is 6 miles and I haven't ran in 2 weeks. I hope I feel well enough to go. Hopefully this doesn't linger much longer. If anything I've learned that you can't take good health for granted. I miss... breathing. Breathing was nice

I'm not worried about the marathon in May. I gave myself plenty of time for... just in case something like this happened. I don't HAVE to be training until January to be able to run the marathon.

I was starting to get frustrated over the last month because I haven't really lost any weight while I've been doing this. I have a cheat every once in a while but not often enough to totally sabotage my whole plan. I'm eating well, I'm trying to drink my water and I'm working really hard, harder than I ever have in my whole life with trying to get my body in shape. It's been very discouraging to step on the scale and not see one pound of weight loss. I have about 35lbs left that I'd like to get off my body. It was really starting to bug me that I had made no progress with this.

Then in my training for a marathon book I read the next chapter and one of the things it talked about was attaching another goal to my goal of running a marathon. That's what I've done. I need to concentrate on one goal right now. My goal is to run the marathon. That's what I'm training my body to do. I'm not going to worry about losing weight, looking hot in my swimming suit in the Spring or anything else. I'm going to worry about putting one foot ahead of the other until I've ran 26.2.

I noticed that my clothes were getting lose even though I hadn't lost any weight. I finally decided to measure myself and I've lost more than an inch around my ribs, waist and hips. So I HAVE been losing inches! Maybe I've been gaining muscle instead? It doesn't matter though. I'm fully concentrating now on running, feeding my body to run and hydrating my body to run. If I happen to lose weight while I do it than that would be great. If not, who cares anyway! Another goal for another time.

Day 122 of Training.

Yesterday I decided that I should probably go and get me some new running shoes. My knees started hurting a little bit over the last couple of weeks so I thought maybe it was because my shoes were wearing out. While I was at Strider's I decided to get some running clothes to wear in the cold. The long pants and shirts are supposed to be breathable but still keep my heat in somehow.

Today when I woke up and everything was covered in snow I wasn't exactly excited to go out and run in the icey cold but I was curious to see how the clothes would work out. It took me longer to get dressed than usual. The black pants and shirt that I put on were tight to my body and I felt like cat woman after I sucked myself into them... only my body doesn't look anything close to Halle Berry and the sports bra makes it so my chest doesn't look anything like the pointy chested women from the 60's that played the part so well. By the time I got the running shoes, hat and jacket on I felt a lot better about running outside where people could actually see me.

I ran down my street and just like before I could feel my cheeks and nose begin to freeze. I was wondering how people do this! My nose might fall off or get frost bitten with the way I'm feeling right now. Remind me again why I don't live in Hawaii? Cold and I do not agree! After about my first mile I suddenly realized that nothing on my face was cold anymore. I guess when I started to warm up my face did too! Cool!

I took a different route than normal and today was the first day I was running 6 miles. SIX miles sounded like SO MANY MILES today. I was really nervous about it and wasn't sure I could do it. The farthest I've gone so far is 5 and I didn't feel ready to add another mile on but according to the running program I add another mile every week on my long run and supposedly people are able to do this without a problem.

My new route took me past a lot more farms and fields than normal. I discovered that... although I think my scenery is beautiful I get discouraged easily when it's wide spaces like that. You see... when I'm running past houses I can visually tell that I'm going somewhere, I constantly feel how fast (or slow) I'm going and I can SEE the progress I'm making. When I'm running past fields and farms all I can see is how long the road is and there's nothing besides... wheat and hay. There's nothing to visually mark my milestones, nothing to let me know how well I'm doing. The good thing about my route today was that there were a lot more hills that I had to climb, which... although I hated them at the time, it's really great to know that I'm getting a better, more... well-rounded type of run.

About half way I actually started to get hot which meant that the clothes were working. I slipped off the jacket and tied it around my waste to get it out of the way... and also to hide my behind in these skin tight pants.

I came up on the last quarter mile and started to sprint. I don't know why but I started to do that the last couple couple of times. I just start running as fast as I can. The first time I did it I think it was because I still felt like I had so much energy but then... I realized that it was something I wasn't able to do just a little while ago and I think that made it more fun. Now it's just... see how fast I can go on that last little part. The cool part is that I don't get really tired or very easily out of breathe while I do it. If you read my very first blog entry, I talk about how my lungs were burning and I could barely make it to the end of the street and I wasn't even running that fast and I felt like I was gonna die. I sprint as fast as I can through that exact same part that I had trouble with on my first run. I know it doesn't make sense but I do it because I CAN run it now and I can run it FAST. If anything... that right there shows how much stronger and healthier my body is. That's why I'm going to keep doing this and why I think that even though SIX miles sounds like a lot right now... when I look back at where I've been... and what I've accomplished... if I've done this much in 4 months than I have no doubt that I can run 26.2 by May.

Day 117 of Training: Emotions of Food and Motion

Many of you know what a bad running week I had last week. Well I am proud to say that this week was so much better.

I'm still amazed that what I eat & put in my body makes such a difference on how I feel while I run. It also makes a difference on how I feel emotionally through the day, it makes a difference on how much energy I have, it directly affects my self worth level & also how I view myself. I find that if I eat pizza, chocolate & soda I immediately feel like I'm fat, lazy & ugly. I know it doesn't make sense but it's true. If I eat vegetables, fruit, whole grains & good protein I feel energetic & beautiful. I feel like I've already taken the time to take care of myself in one way so I usually wear nicer clothes on those days & my hair & makeup will be done too! You can tell I feel better overall.

I also get more done during the day on the days that I eat right & run. I guess it's because I feel like I already had time to myself and now I can work on my family or the house or take care of whatever else needs attention, I already took care of me. Taking care of me is important... not just to me but to my family. They get a lot better quality mom and wife when I'm in a good mood and more energetic.

I remember about a year ago there were days when I felt like locking myself in the bathroom just so I could have a minute to myself. I was so tired all the time and constantly didn't feel good. I was lucky if I got to take a shower, let alone put on makeup, nice clothes or do my hair. I always felt like I needed more sleep, so the idea of waking up early to exercise sounded awful!

I still have those days once in a while but I'm happy to say that they're the exception now rather than the rule. I know that no matter how tired I am in the morning I will feel more tired through the day if I choose to stay in bed rather than go move my body. It's amazing what has happened over the last year when I finally decided to love myself, take care of myself and make ME a priority. I know that might sound... self absorbed? As a Mom of 4 kids though, I was never thinking about myself. I would get everyone ready for church and my kids would walk out looking like beauty queens and my hair was still half wet. I was the last one to sit down at the table, I was exhausted from taking care of everyone and I felt guilty if I took time out for myself for ANY reason.

I was hoping that all of this would change me on the outside and make me a healthier person but I never knew the changes that would come emotionally or the positive changes it would have on my whole family. It doesn't make sense but it's true. I take care of me first and then everyone else gets taken care of, there's suddenly enough of me to go around!

I've read the book "In Defense of Food". It's a little wordy but very enlightening and will change the way you think about food. It basically says to not eat all that processed stuff. Try to choose REAL food. (Butter instead of Margarine, Whole Grains, etc...) It also says to try to choose foods that have 5 or less ingredients and that has ingredients that you can pronounce and that you know what they are. I've also gone organic and no horomones or pesticides in my food. On the front of the book it says... "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Does this sound familiar to anyone? It's what I've been told my whole life in the Word of Wisdom only it never seemed that simple before. So I'm standing in the shower the other day and thinking.... "DUH! When did we decide that our scientists knew more about food and what was healthy for us than Heavenly Father does? When did we become SO clever that we could MAKE food be more nutritious for our bodies and less fattening than the vegetables, fruits, grains & animals that Heavenly Father gave to us. When exactly was it that we became smarter than God?" The answer to me is that we're not smarter so I've put away my Cap'N Crunch and candy and although I do have my treats every once in a while my diet does not consist mainly of 100 calorie snacks, breakfast cereal and fake, "No Fat" yogurt made with fake sugars and chemicals used to preserve it. Wow, what a difference I can feel! Amazing.

So I re-did "Week ONE" of my training schedule and it was a night and day difference. I tried really hard last week to eat well and when I ran the 5 miles on Saturday I felt like I could breathe easy, my body didn't get tired and I felt like I could have kept going. Today I started the "Week TWO" of the 16 week training and I have to run 6 miles on Saturday. I hope I can do it... I've never ran more than 5 before. We'll see how it goes.

Day 109 of Training: You are what you eat.

Last week was my "Week One" of the marathon training. The training is 16 weeks, the Marathon is on Saturday, May 15th. I know I'm starting ahead of schedule but I heard people say that sometimes they felt like they were barely able to get through some of the last weeks. I figure that this way I can repeat any of the weeks I feel like I didn't go well. I have 27 weeks so I could do almost all of the weeks twice.

This week I was supposed to run 3 miles Monday, 4 miles Wednesday, 3 miles Thursday & 5 miles Saturday. I did 3 on Monday. Wednesday came around and I couldn't make it over to the gym and it was storming outside so I stayed at home and decided to do 4 miles on my elliptical. OK, so the elliptical is way harder. I was slower at it. Running usually would have taken me 40 minutes to run but the elliptical took 80 minutes to do 4 miles! It seemed like I was on it forever!! I better have been burning a lot more calories. Although the hour & 20 minutes seems bad I should feel pretty good about this. When I first got the elliptical about a year ago I couldn't be on it for longer than 5 minutes. I remember when I hit 15 minutes and I thought that was awesome!

Thursday came around and I got in warm clothes to go outside and run. I warmed up, headed out the door and started running down the street. My nose and cheeks got so cold they were numb, I couldn't feel them. I ran right back in my house... I hadn't gone quite a mile. I decided to do the rest of it on my elliptical. Although I was trying to be faster than yesterday I really wasn't. I was so bored and frustrated I gave up after 1 mile. Only 2 miles today. Discouraging. I opened the Halloween candy I bought and before I knew what was happening I had eaten 4 of those little yummy snickers bars. I think that's like a whole candy bar... so much for working anything off for the day.

Friday was worse. I was up late with Hailey doing homework on Thursday night so I had canceled the session I had scheduled with my trainer at the gym on Friday morning. I was on the run all day helping with Halloween parties at schools, picking up and dropping off kids. We ate Chick-Fil-A for lunch and I got a kids meal with the greasy goodness of the chicken nuggets and waffle fries. Zach took me on a Halloween date. We ate Mexican food and I chose something that came beautifully wrapped in a flour tortilla that had been excellently fried. I drank around 5 large Cokes, my excuse was that I had to stay up late tonight for all the scary ghost stories. I brought with me a bag of Milky Way candies to share with our friends. Through the night I ate 5 of those "fun size snacks".

Saturday started out great. I was ready to eat better and to treat myself better. My kids had let us sleep in. (I know... miracle.) I left at about 9:00am to go run my 5 miles. It started off really rough. Why am I running again? I was hating every step, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My body couldn't handle it today. I pushed myself to keep going, I slowed down my pace to try and catch my breathe. Why can't I breathe? About half way through I felt like I finally had my rhythm but still couldn't get my breathing to be right. It's like I had half the lungs I had before. At about mile 3 I stopped running and had to walk the rest.

That's what happens when I put garbage in my body. When I feed myself crap my body feels it and acts like crap. The great part about running is that you can eat pretty much anything and be OK... pretty much... what I've learned you can't eat if you still want to perform are large amounts of sugar, any kind of soda pop... not even diet and nothing that's been deep fried. The good part though is that when I have a "bad eating day" I'm usually pretty good at turning it all around the next day and just say to myself... well that was nice, now back to real life. That's what I have to do this next week. Just say... well Halloween was nice, now back to real life. I'm re-doing "week one" starting tomorrow. If I want to ever get to do the marathon though I've really got to stop having so many "bad eating" days.

BTW... If I eat fruit, vegetables, whole grains & lean meat I can definitely tell a difference in the way I perform. Hhmmm... maybe because that's what my body really needs! Try it for 30 days and you'll for sure notice the difference when you have a "bad eating" day. Crazy to think I ate all that crap all the time before.

Day 98 of Training: Treadmills & the Gym

It's October. It's pitch dark when I leave to go run at 6:00am, not to mention bitterly cold. Each rushing breathe of frosty air stings my lungs. I decided it was time for a change. I thought maybe it was time to invest in a treadmill. We looked all over the internet, researched like crazy and for the ones that you could run on... not just walk or jog... the price tag was unbearable. Way more than I wanted to spend on a piece of equipment that I would only use 3-4 months of the year. Even with my pool I get a good 6-7 months out of!

I decided to go with a gym membership. After searching around I found a gym that I could go to for only $10/mo. Not bad... I have to have a 1 year contract but I can freeze my account for a few months too.

I show up the first day to the gym. There's ONE treadmill available, I stand there and realize there's way too many buttons. I decide rather than standing there pushing buttons and looking like a fool I'll go and grab someone that works there and ask them to help me... and look like a fool. I run to find someone and when I come back the treadmill is taken... I had left my drink and a towel on it but... I politely grab it, let it go and I see someone else getting off. They get off the treadmill and leave... WITHOUT WIPING IT DOWN! Gross! I clean off the machine and get ready to start. The guy comes over and shows me the important buttons and I start. I'll admit that my first day was the worst day. None of those things happened again.

The more I go, the more I hate it! I'm not... like... going anywhere! OK, so I know that's what happens but I didn't think I'd miss it that much. I love being outside, feeling the sun on my skin, breathing in gulps of fresh air having the variations in the way my feet step on the ground. Each step is different and unique. I'm going to the beat of my music, I have time to reflect on my upcoming day and my life, I create goals and best of all... if I get tired for a minute I can't just stop and say... good enough. I have to get home.

In the gym there are stupid LOUD boys trying to get the attention of everyone around them while they're lifting weights. I feel like I'm breathing in everyone's sweat. The air is thick, it smells, and worst of all I feel like I have an audience. There's also the difference of my running performance. When I run outside I feel like I'm propelling myself forward, if anything I have to keep reminding myself to slow down and take it easy. I have the natural hills and the different types of surfaces that make it so I run a little differently through parts of my run. The treadmill is always the same, I can create artificial hills but it's not nearly the same feeling. I also feel like I'm just going at this machine like pace. It doesn't feel natural at all.

So, I have a problem. How do I get outside to run in my day when it's not black as night and 30 below zero? I have 4 kids, 2 of which aren't in school yet. I've tried to run with them in a stroller and it's just awful. I hate it that I can't swing my arms and even through my ear phones I can hear the constant bickering and whining. I've decided that I do this for me and that I NEED the alone time in the morning. It's the only time of the day that it's me, alone, with my own thoughts, without someone needing me or calling "Mom!", it's the only time I'm taking care of myself and not someone else. It's my way of telling myself that I'm important and that I need to love my body. I can't do this while pushing my kids in a stroller in front of me whining that they want to get out, or they want a drink, or that "Dylan touched my arm!".

Well, I'm still working on the answer. My husband and I are trying to work it out so that I can run outside during daylight hours. It's progressing. What I can tell you is that the treadmill is not for me. I'm glad that I didn't buy one. It's so much better outside!

OH! I also started running 5 miles this week! I'm pretty excited about that. Monday I'm officially starting the marathon training program. I'm nervous, excited and scared kind of all at once. More excited than anything though... here we go! Wish me luck!

Day 82 of Training: My Music

I got online yesterday morning and figured out a route that was 4.5 miles. I plugged my earphones into my ears and headed out the door. I felt like I was dragging and uncoordinated. I had a hard time breathing and I had to concentrate way too much on my breaths, which is distracting. In no time though I felt like I was in sync. My feet were hitting to the time of the music I was listening to and I was feeling pretty good.

I just finished my 3rd mile and my iPhone rang. My iPhone is tied around my waste so I couldn't see who was calling but I was worried that something happened at home while I was gone. My earphones allow me to talk so I squeezed the button and said "hello". Nobody answered, I could hear breathing besides my own and busy sounds going on. I thought maybe they didn't hear me answer so I repeated. Nothing. Then I realized it was probably one of my sister's kids that got a hold of her phone and she didn't know they had called me. I keep running... the problem is... I don't know how to hang up with the earphones. Getting my iPhone out would take way too much coordination... I can run and talk at the same time but not run and try to work electronics at the same time. Besides... I'd have to lift up my shirt to access the phone which would show off my belly a bit... something the general public does NOT want to see. In the meantime I'm stuck listening to breathing, car doors clanking and people talking through my earphones. Aarrggghhh!

Each step seems like eternity! I frantically keep squeezing the button for my headphones trying to figure out how to hang up. There has to be a way to hang up! I have about a mile left and finally decide I'm going to squeeze it for 5 seconds and see what happens. I hold and count and... still noise.. oh wait... my music!!! YAY!! I have my music! My steps quickly fall into the rythm of the music.

By now my legs are hurting and I feel weak. I still have about 1/2 a mile left. I have a song that's coming to the end and I decide that I would just run through the next song and then walk the rest. The song starts, it's a good beat for the way I'm feeling. My feet are hitting the pavement with the drumbeat. Wow! This song is long! I'm pretty sure that I would have quit by now if I wouldn't have made that little deal with myself and if I wasn't do darned determined to finish my goals! I'm about to turn my last corner. I keep thinking the song should end any moment. I finally reach my house and the song ends at the same time. I look at the running application on my phone.... 4.54 miles 10 1/2 minute mile. 10 1/2 minute mile... well... I'm not going to win any awards but not so bad!! I keep listening to the music while I walk off the stiffness I'm starting to feel in my legs. Wait though! 4.5 miles! That's pretty awesome! The longest distance I've run so far! I'm excited about that and stretch out all my muscles really well to prevent soreness.

4.5 miles, only... I wouldn't have made it without my music. It's funny how that can keep you going. It reminds me of something a friend said to me a while ago. She said that she was in the middle of a long race and her iPod broke in the middle of the race. She felt like sitting on the ground and throwing in the towel. She said the rest of the race was miserable and she kept thinking... what's the point? She felt like she couldn't run without the music. I guess that's how I feel too! I can push myself a little harder just to stay on beat. I can go a little longer, longer than I thought I could because the song hasn't ended. I can breathe a little easier because I'm breathing in between the words of the songs. I don't think I could run (or do much of anything else) without my music playing as I go, pushing me along.

Day 76 of Training: 3.5 Miles

Saturday came around and it was the start of a new training week. I was supposed to run for 20 minutes, walk 5, then run for another 20. I did pretty well at first and made it through my first 20, I started to walk, slowed down to catch my breathe and then started running again.

I don't know why I didn't think this through but I was going the same route I do everyday which is about 3.7 miles. Well, I realize I'm going to run out of my route before I run out of time so I'm trying to decide where to go. After considering some longer routes I finally decide that I'm just going to pass my house, keep going to the end of the street, take a left (which is a dead end) and then come back. In my head I'm thinking this should be about right. So I pass my house, wave to a neighbor that's working in his yard, run my new route and start heading back towards my house. I wave at my neighbor again and look at my watch... I still have 5 minutes left!! I pass my house again and run to the end of the street which took considerably less time than I had anticipated. I come back toward my house wave at my neighbor again and look at my watch. I still have 2 more minutes! I decided to just bag it. My neighbor was starting to give me odd looks, my legs felt like jello, my sides were hurting and I think there's only so many times you can pass your own house and not just want to collapse onto your porch. My second time around was only 18 minutes. Close but didn't make it.

I started to think about it and I wondered if I hadn't have stopped for the 5 minute walk how long I could have ran? I also probably would have been able to keep my same route without the slow down in the middle if I would have just kept running.

Today I decided to take no breaks, take it easy and slow and see how long I could run. I was pretty excited as I came up on my 20 minutes, then 25, then 30 and I finally decided to stop and cool down at 35. I felt like my legs were getting tired and I was coming up to my house. 35 MINUTES!! I was pretty excited.

I was getting really nervous about the 5K that I signed up for on October 10th. I was worried I wouldn't be able to run the whole thing but now I feel like a weight has been lifted. I did 3.5 miles in 35 minutes... I know, only a 10 minutes mile. I'm going to keep it here and try to get a little faster before the 5k.

I'm so excited to be jogging for more than 30 minutes! That means I can officially start my marathon training program in a couple weeks! Yay for 35 minutes!! I thought I'd never get here!!